FABIO told "OK!" magazine that GEORGE CLOONEY is a "low-class scumbag" and that "he's not even half a man."

--Here's Fabio's full quote: "I was doing a charity for the 11-99 Foundation, which benefits the widows and children of officers killed in the line of duty. I had dinner with six women and a photographer woman and we were just having fun, having dinner and taking pictures.

--"All of a sudden one of the ladies said to me, 'There is this gentleman a few tables behind you that keeps insulting me, keeps giving me the finger.' She's like, 'This gentleman behind you called me a fat cow.'

--"So I turn and it was [Clooney]. He was drunk and thought people were taking pictures of him. So I went to the table and explained to him that we were having a charity dinner and I said, 'You're more than welcome to come to my table and see if there was a picture of you.'

--"I apologized and he started being rude so I put him in his place. After I put him in his place . . . you know I'm three times his size . . . he got a little scared. I went back to my table and as soon as I sit down he paid his bill, got up and he started insulting the girls.

--"He called the women names. At that point I lost my temper. I went after him and he ran out of the restaurant.

--"He has no class. You have to be a low-class, scumbag to start calling a woman a name. If you're a man, you should never. You should be a gentleman. These women were with me and as a man I defend them. He was lucky he ran out of the restaurant. He's not even half a man."

Yesterday, after a four-year investigation, BARRY BONDS was indicted on charges of perjury and obstruction of justice . . . for lying when he told a federal grand jury that he didn't knowingly use performance-enhancing drugs.

--If he's convicted on all five counts . . . four counts of perjury and one of obstruction of justice . . . he could get up to THIRTY YEARS in prison.

--According to the indictment, quote, "During the criminal investigation, evidence was obtained including positive tests for the presence of anabolic steroids and other performance-enhancing substances for Bonds and other athletes."

--Bonds has always denied that he knowingly used drugs . . . and Major League Baseball has never identified him as testing positive on one of their tests.

--During last season, Bonds broke HANK AARON'S all-time career home run record. Bonds finished last season with 762 career homers, seven more than Aaron. In 2001, he set the single-season home run record, with 73.

--In December of 2003, Bonds testified before a grand jury, and told them he didn't knowingly take steroids he'd gotten from his personal trainer-slash-good friend, Greg Anderson. The indictment claims that was a lie.

--It also claims Bonds lied when he said Anderson never injected him with steroids.

--John Burris, one of Bonds' attorneys, heard about the indictment through the press. He said, quote, "I'm surprised. But there's been an effort to get Barry for a long time. I'm curious what evidence they have now they didn't have before."

--There isn't any word on what that new evidence is. Bonds will be in court on December 7th. (ESPN / Associated Press / CBS Sportsline)

The next time HAYDEN PANETTIERE sets foot in Japan, she could be ARRESTED. And it's all because she and some other conservationists tried to save a group of dolphins that were about to be captured and slaughtered by Japanese fishermen last year.

--She says, quote, "They have an arrest warrant out for me in Japan. We just found out."

--But Hayden is excited about all the publicity she was able to drum up for the dolphins, and she's thinking about going back.

--She says, quote, "In this town, you tend to be able to get publicity when you're not wearing underwear or [you're] in rehab. I was very excited that people were interested in what we did. I'd do it again. Very possibly, might do it again."

LINDSAY LOHAN completed her jail time yesterday . . . by spending 84 minutes at PARASITE HILTON'S former home . . . the Century Regional Detention Center in Lynnwood, California.

--Lindsay agreed to one day behind bars and 10 days of community service, as part of a plea deal on her two DUI charges.

--Lindsay "checked in", so to speak, at 10:30 A.M. yesterday. She was out by 11:54. A Sheriff's Department spokesman says she was cooperative.

--The spokesman also made sure to note that Lindsay was given NO SPECIAL TREATMENT. Due to prison overcrowding, it's common for misdemeanor offenders to serve a fraction of their jail time.

BRITNEY SPEARS RAN OVER ANOTHER PHOTOGRAPHER'S FOOT:

BRITNEY SPEARS ran over her fourth foot in less than a month.

--On Wednesday night, she drove over the foot of one of the paparazzi scumbags who were SWARMING around her car as she tried to pull into the parking garage of the Four Seasons Hotel in Beverly Hills.

--In two separate incidents late last month, Britney ran over the feet of two other photographers. In all three cases, the photographers decided not to file police reports.--Earlier this month, Britney ran over the foot of a Los Angeles County Sheriff's Deputy as she was leaving a custody hearing.

The stripper who sold those pictures of OSCAR DE LA HOYA CROSS-DRESSING has filed a $100 million lawsuit against him . . . for allegedly launching a smear campaign against her.

--A lawyer for 22-year-old Milana Dravnel says, quote, "[They] did everything [they] could to thwart her being able to sell this, saying they weren't real, photo-shopped, and that she didn't know what she was doing . . . that she was just a stripper."

--He also says Oscar and his people tried to bully her into FALSELY "admitting" that the pictures were fake.

--Milana is suing for fraud, defamation and infliction of emotional distress. (--She already supposedly made $70,000 when she sold the pictures to X-17 Online.)

Britain's not-always-reliable "Sun" tabloid says that AMY WINEHOUSE'S tour manager . . . a guy named Thom Stone . . . QUIT yesterday . . . due to SECOND-HAND HEROIN. (???)

--Apparently, Stone was passively inhaling smack on Amy's bus. He even produced a note from the doctor who had reportedly found the heroin in his system.

There will be a memorial service for KANYE WEST'S mother, DR. DONDA WEST, today at Chicago State University, where she was an English professor for 24 years.

--Kanye will NOT attend. A nephew of Donda's will be there to represent the family.

--Donda West died last Saturday, a day after undergoing cosmetic surgery. (--Allegedly, she had a tummy tuck and a breast reduction.) She was 58 years old.

--The cause of death remains unknown. Results of an autopsy performed earlier this week won't be released until the results of toxicology tests come back. That'll be in about six to eight weeks.

--Donda's funeral will be held next Tuesday . . . at the Howard-Harris Funeral Home in her native Oklahoma City.

--"Us Weekly" says that Kanye West was in London rehearsing for a tour when his mother died . . . and he stayed there so he could grieve privately.

SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR and FREDDIE PRINZE JR. celebrated their fifth wedding anniversary on September 1st. And as a present to Freddie, Sarah officially changed her name to Sarah Michelle PRINZE.

KATHARINE MCPHEE is engaged to her older boyfriend, NICK COKAS. She's 23 . . . he's 42. There's no word yet on a wedding date.

--Interesting fact: Katharine and Nick met in 2005, when they performed together in a Los Angeles theater production of "The Ghost and Mrs. Muir".

--They didn't start dating until the following year, after Nick drove Katharine to the "American Idol" auditions in San Francisco. (--Katharine was the Season 5 runner-up. She lost to TAYLOR HICKS.)

Here's your Random Celebrity Hook-Up of the Day: "OK!" magazine says that former Hollywood madam HEIDI FLEISS was spotted out on a possible date with STEVE BING. He's a movie producer . . . and the father of ELIZABETH HURLEY'S son.

VH1's "Best Week Ever" has posted a list on its website of the 10 Most Overrated Supporting Characters in Movie History. Their top pick is BOBA FETT, from the original "Star Wars" trilogy.

--Here's their reasoning . . . quote, "No other character in cinematic history has produced a subsequent fan following so disproportionate to his actual on-screen accomplishments . . . and for what???

--"A dude who shows up for eight seconds in 'Jedi' and is immediately and very easily killed. He only manages to capture Han Solo in 'Empire' with help from Vader and the entire frickin' Empire."

--Here's the complete list, along with some of "Best Week Ever's" explanations . . .

#1.) Boba Fett, "Star Wars". (--See above.)

#2.) Gandalf, "Lord of the Rings" trilogy. (--"Gandalf gets the crap kicked out of him by Sauramon, he's conveniently absent in key dilemmas and he speaks in nonsensical, vaguely whimsical wizard inside jokes.")

#3.) Pedro, "Napoleon Dynamite". (--"There's nothing to actively dislike about Pedro, but that's only because there's nothing to actively anything about Pedro . . . he has no discernable characteristics whatsoever.")

#4.) Slimer, "Ghostbusters" and "Ghostbusters 2". (--"[After doing very little in the movies, became] a crucial main character in 'The Real Ghostbusters' cartoon, as well as . . . [being] involved in every single 'Ghostbusters' toy and action figure.")

#5.) Queen Elizabeth, "Shakespeare In Love". (--"Not only did Judi Dench snag a random, undeserved, 'hey, thanks for doing a mainstream movie!' Oscar nomination for a role that totaled less than ten minutes of actual screen time, she actually WON THE OSCAR.")

#6.) Goose, "Top Gun". (--"He dies by ejecting himself into the roof of his own plane during a flight exercise. How does a navigator in the top .000001% of the military have that happen to him? . . . And [he] doesn't even look that good shirtless.")

#7.) Timon and Pumba, "The Lion King". (--"I recall going to Disney World in the late '90s and hearing 'Hakuna Matata' in every restaurant, bathroom stall, and hotel bed to the point where I was longing for 'It's a Small World'.")

#8.) The Scorpion King, "The Mummy Returns" and "The Scorpion King". (--"What ether-sniffing Hollywood producer saw The Rock rolling into the final battle in 'Mummy Returns' with his torso CGI'd onto a scorpion body and said 'THAT NEEDS TO BE ITS OWN FILM'?")

#9.) Vincent Vega, "Pulp Fiction". (--"Almost every aspect of the movie still completely justifies its film-student poster-worship, with the throbbing exception of every single line uttered by John Travolta.")

#10.) Darth Maul, "Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace". (--"In retrospect, Maul getting sliced in half at the end of the movie almost seems like preemptive retribution to punish people for making his image way more popular than it deserved to be.")

It looks like the late-night talk shows might resume production fairly soon . . . even if the writers strike keeps going.

--Producers of "The Tonight Show", "Letterman" and "Conan" are rumored to be discussing a plan to have all the shows return on the same night.

--Nothing is expected to happen until after Thanksgiving . . . in fact, the possible target date is either December 3rd or December 10th.

--All the late-night hosts have said they support the writers strike. But at the same time, everyone else who works on these shows . . . cameramen, makeup chicks, caterers, etc . . . are in danger of losing their jobs if the networks start laying everyone off.

--So the compromise would be for Leno, Letterman and all the other shows to come back without their writing staffs on the same night. . . so that nobody is the FIRST person to cross the picket line.

WALTER CRONKITE . . . who's 91 YEARS OLD . . . is coming back to TV on the hip, up-and-coming new cable network: Retirement Living TV.

--Cronkite will do a weekly commentary during an afternoon talk show called "Daily Cafe".

--Cronkite's segment, "Cronkite Chronicles", debuts next Tuesday. He'll talk about things like the presidential primaries, political party conventions and environmental issues.

--Oh, and KATIE COURIC recorded an introduction to his commentaries. (--As you may know, Cronkite's voice introduces Katie on the CBS "Evening News".)

#1.) Even though we're losing shows like "The Office", "The Daily Show", "Lost", and "24" to the Hollywood writers' strike . . . we can be thankful that we still have "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" and now, "The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade". (???)

--NBC is going ahead with their coverage of the parade . . . with "Today" show co-hosts MATT LAUER and MEREDITH VIEIRA providing their usual, witty banter. But this year, that banter will be written by non-union SCABS.

#2.) Because an hour a week of "Supernanny" just isn't enough . . . ABC is working on a spin-off . . . with a MALE nanny. Oh, and it's got an incredibly annoying title . . . "SuperMANNY". (--There's no word when this nonsense will air.)

#3.) SYDNEY POITIER has joined the cast of the "Knight Rider" TV-movie. That's not the Oscar-winning actor, but his 34-year-old daughter, Sydney TAMIIA Poitier. (--She was Jungle Julia in Quentin Tarantino's "Death Proof".)

--She'll be playing a meddling FBI agent.

The DAVID LEE ROTH / VAN HALEN reunion tour will indeed stretch into next year. . . but for now, just four new dates have been announced. Those dates are:

--Oklahoma City on January 22nd . . . Houston on January 28th . . . Omaha, Nebraska, on February 4th . . . and Fort Lauderdale, Florida, on February 12th.

--That's in addition to the March 30th makeup date in St. Louis that they previously announced.

A Scottish man paid $170,000 for a pair of tickets to the LED ZEPPELIN reunion show next month in London. It was the pair that we'd heard was being auctioned for a charity called Children in Need.

Las Vegas legend and former "Dancing with the Stars" stud WAYNE NEWTON has been forced to drop out of the upcoming "Dancing with the Stars" tour due to a heart condition. He's suffering from cardiomyopathy, a viral infection of the heart.

--In addition to that tour, Wayne also had to cancel his current run at Harrah's casino in Las Vegas.

--Wayne has been suffering from the effects of the disease, on and off, since 2001. He contracted the virus during a USO tour in Afghanistan.

--He tells "People" magazine, quote, "[I'm] going to be fine. This is just another little bump in the road. The doctors are a little more concerned than I am."

KELLY CLARKSON and (country minx) REBA MCENTIRE have announced the dates for their upcoming joint tour. The 2 Worlds 2 Voices tour kicks off on January 17th in Dayton, Ohio. (--You can check out all of the dates, here . . .)